Final Goodbye

it's funny how hello always starts the countdown to a goodbye
it's funny how forever never seems to really last
it's funny how friends can just leave you when you`re down
it's funny how when you need someone they`re never around
but the funniest part of all

none of that`s even the slightest bit close to funny

so when i say i love you
believe me it's true
when i say forever
know i'll never leave you
when i say my final goodbye
promise you won't forget the times we had together

whether they be the worst fights we ever had

or they be best nights

letting the rest of the world vanish in the blink of an eye

like that night when we snuck out

just to look up at the stars and dream up a fairytale

we fell asleep in the middle of an open field

your arms around me

my head on your chest

our parents thought we ran away

and some cops came to find us

i swear that night was the best night of my fucked up life

felt like i’d never fall for another
felt like we’d die in each other’s arms

i just never thought for one second

that the next day would be that day

i’d get a call from cops telling me you slit your throat

and left me all alone in this crazy world

i swear i never believed you would ever be the one

to let the world tare you down and make you feel so small

inside and out you were so strong

you were the air i needed to breath

the blood that runs through these veins

the reason i’m alive

day or night you were by my side

i never got to say that you're the first boyfriend i ever had

i never got to say my final goodbye

so here i stand screaming my love for you

baby i’ll tell the world what you mean to me

you were my whole life

my whole world

baby i can’t forget you

You Know

This one’s for Casie, you’re one hell of a best friend, and i know for a fact that i can't say any of this to you face to face because I'd break down into tears before I even said one word. so here it goes. and i hope you can forgive me… for what ever i did wrong... or at least tell me what it was so i can fix it...

you know the words i could never say

you know the sun will forget to shine

you know me from a different life

i could never show and now

what can i do

what can i say

to get you back again

to where you belong

because you aren't just my best friend

you are my blood sister

and every time i see you

the knife in my back

hurts even more

and you didn't even put it there

oh what did i do

what did i say

to make u hate me so much

that you won’t even look at me anymore

oh i am so sick of fighting with you

but it's too hard to walk away

because i told you everything

every little detail of my life

and if i hear that you no longer care

i'll break down into tears

and show everyone my weakness

for the first time in my whole life

cuz i am really trying

yeah i am really trying

*and as my tears hit the floor

they sound like glass hitting concrete

i ask myself

is this what the doctors

had waiting for me all along

as a final push to send me over the edge

are you an actress

maybe a figment of my crazy imagination

were we really friends

or were you someone

the doctors prescribed for me

like several douses of the worst drug

cuz i'll

i'll make my wrists bleed for you

over and over again

because you aren't just my best friend

you are my sister

tell me cuz i gotta know

am i wrong to miss you

do you remember when you said

we are sisters til the day we die

what ever happened to that

cuz this is killing me

faster than ever aloud

Love Will Kill

hello and welcome to my funeral

i cry myself to sleep every night

i still lay awake in my bed

starring at the photograph

you slipped into my locker

that friday afternoon two years ago

when we first started us

baby my life is hell without you

though i know i caused you hell

i know you may never forgive me

but i have to try

i have to know youre okay

you’ll probably be doing better than i am

everything i do it reminds me of you

i think of you all the time

some days it’s just too much

i break down into tears

people ask me all the time what’s wrong

and all i can say is love will kill

i can always hear them calling me suicidal

but i am

so i dont really care

oh not anymore

*oh im so sorry

for the hell i put you through

and from now on i will be the truth

that you have never seen before

and i know that you might never forgive me

but i can’t get that through to my brain

oh please save me save me from this misery

i will show you that i am different

that i have changed

and i will get you back

if it’s the last thing i ever do

yeah if you die

then baby i die with you

oh baby at the top of my lungs

i will scream it out to you

that i am still in love with you

baby i never thought loving someone

as much as i love you

was even humanly possible

call me anything and everything you want to

baby i will keep you inside my heart

you healed my soul

forever i will be in your debt

to you i owe my life

'cause i tore yours apart

baby i would sacrifice my beating heart

before i would give up on you

i have tried to forget

but baby its so god damned hard

to forget the man i fell in love with

for i still have your number in my cell phone

i still have those pictures of you

and the letters you returned

ain’t gonna burn them

ain’t gonna get rid of them for as long as i live

'cause there aint no way

i could ever get over this

i could never get over

us

Life After Suicide

got a dagger in hand
got a life full o' shit
wanna end it today
ain't nobody gonna miss havin me 'round
ain't nobody gonna feel a thang for me
ain't no tears gonna be shed for me
ain't nobody gonna notice my absense
ain't nobody gonna care
ain't got nobody to live for
ain't nobody know my name
just another runnaway to 'em
gonna keep it that way
'cause i
'cause i got a finger on the trigger
oh it only take a second
to send this bullet flyin
gonna shatter my skull
ain't no second chance
ain't nobody gonna hear it fire
ain't nobody gonna come runnin

oh baby i've been broken
been torn and ripped to shreds
so much i can't feel a thang nomore
don't even wanna try
'cause the love i get
oh its just so fake
so go right on ahead
just point your finger and laugh your ass off
just know
igot a finger on the triger
can blow my drains out
in just one second
might end it right now
got nobody to live for
for as long as i can remember
i been takin it
and ill still gladly take the pain

but i am dead!

Stupid Mistake

when we first met

we hit it off

we were best friends until you went to junior high

didn’t talk for a while

then i ran into you at the skate park

took three hours but we finally talked it out

we dated for a while

but those stupid rumors broke us up

you talked to my best friend

said you loved me more than anything in the world

we went back out and had the best time of our lives

you never treated me wrong you never hurt me

we loved each other

but then my old stupid friends got to you

they broke us up

what a stupid mistake

i have tried to move on but it’s so hard to

no one can replace you

no matter where the hell i look

i wish we never broke up

it was a stupid mistake

i wish it could be undone

because i miss you and i want you back

but i have no way of knowing

if you want me back to

i wish that stupid mistake never happened

we said we loved each other

and that stupid mistake tore us apart

and i need to know

if there could ever be an us again

was it bad

was it good

was it too emo

what was it for you

we were so close

and now it feels like you’re so far away

and at times we had been so far away

why shatter the pieces

we made a long time ago

and i swear i’m losing it about him

what am i supposed to do

oh what the hell do i do

what the hell did i do to deserve this much heart break

World War Three

of all the guys in this world

i just had to fall for the worst

even after everyone i know said

you were no good

and now i am paying for the choice i made

for that one word i said

that started all this heartbreak

within every breath i breathe

within every day i live

i have to deal with that voice

in the back of my head

saying you stupid girl

why did you fall for him

after everyone you know

said he was no good

*and now your voice

turns into the bullets

that hit me straight through my heart

i will be forever covered in blood

screaming at the top of my lungs

oh i wish i could just forget that you even exist

and you will start world war three

because of how you

shatter every heart you see

but i guess it’s true

you never can tell who the murders are

and now every time

i see your face i have to ask you

in the back of my head

oh why the hell did you ask me out

was it so you could break every inch of

some small town girls innocent heart*

you cheated on me and now

i have to deal with the voice

in the back of my head saying

you stupid girl

why did you fall for him

after everyone you know

said he was no good

oh and i know

getting over you is gonna take some time

and one day i will be able to ask your face

would your life be any better

if we weren’t just another piece of broken history

but i don’t believe a single word you’re saying

so i won’t waste one more

god dammed breath on you

and you want me back

you gotta get down

gotta get down low

get down on your knees

you gotta start begging for me back

but i won’t care

oh ‘cause you’re not my fairytale

oh not anymore